Saturday, August 29, 2015

Country Fest and Lessons Learned

This story starts and some point in the Spring. I received a text from a friend asking if I wanted to attend a Kenny Chesney concert in August.

"Sure!" I responded enthusiastically! I had recently become a country- music lover and had been wanting to make the leap and attend a country concert. 

Pop the cherry- if you will. 

Fast forward to August and I discover that this is NOT a Kenny Chesney concert. It's country fest! A notoriously drunken debacle of the country type. Sorted tales have been told of vomit, fighting and arrests of the inebriated crowd. 

I immediately tried to think of excuses not to attend. Not to "show up". I'm not good in this kind of environment- I can't handle that scene!

You see, I have a tendency to view the world as black or white. As good or bad. As acceptable and unacceptable. 

Country fest=unacceptable 

All I talked about the week preceding it was my anxiety about going. I was so worried about navigating this environment filled with alcohol and debauchery and coming out alive. 

The thing is, I've been known to overindulge in situations like this. Peer pressure and me- it's not pretty. 

Again- black or white, all or nothing. I tend to go for all. 

But- I went. I showed up. 

I drank (beer then water then beer etc etc) and I ate. I laughed and danced and I sat around with a fabulous group of women and talked about life. 

And ya know what, I was fine! I was neither black nor white. I sat comfortably in the gray. I trusted myself to handle moderation and it worked. 

I had a fabulous time, all because I walked through the anxiety and worry, showed up and trusted myself! 

The good things in life exist beyond our fears- take a deep breath, close your eyes, and trust yourself enough to walk through it!

Lessons learned at country fest:
Show up!
Embrace the gray in life!
Moderation rocks!
And Kenny Chesney has a great bum!




Monday, August 24, 2015

The other side of "back to school"

For the past 12 years "back to school" has been mostly about me. About a new year, a new caseload, a new adventure. When I can't sleep on "back to school eve"- it's because I'm anticipating the excitement and energy of the First Day of School!

This year, however, this year- all that changes drastically.

This year my boy starts kindergarten. This year, my boy joins ME at MY school and starts kindergarten.

Separation of church and state no more.

 He will walk down the halls I've traveled for the past 9 years. My friends and colleagues will become his teachers. My students will become his friends. 

I've known this was coming. We attended K orientation in May and even moved to the district! But somehow, the gravity of all of this has escaped me- until now...

There are supply lists and directions that need to be followed. There are letters from teacher. There are bus routes and schedules that need to be organized. 

Suddenly, back to school isn't  just about me anymore!

I will now share my day, my building, my school with a walking, talking piece of my heart. 

I can't help but wonder what will happen to all the lines I drew in the sand anticipating this co-mingling. 

Will I peek in at him at lunch and help him open his snack? Will I watch him on the playground as he learns the expectations of kindergarten? Will my heart burst as I watch him learn when I'm  in his class for inclusion?

Separation of church and state was so much easier to handle!

The women who planned my bridal shower and baby shower, who showed up at my house after my boy was born, who have given me mom-marriage- and life advice will now be entrusted with the care and education of my boy. They will sit across from me at parent-teacher conference and hand me tissues as I listen to the wonderful (or terrible!) things he's done.

My boy will get on the bus on September 2nd and begin a magical journey. 

He will walk down the halls I've loved for 9 years and meet the most amazing people I'm lucky to call friends and colleagues. 

They will smile and welcome him- because that's what they do.

 They will nurture and teach- because that's what they do. 

He will sit in assemblies and music and art and go on field trips.
 He will make friends and get his feelings hurt.
He will get boo-boos on the playground and bellyaches at lunch. 
 He will laugh and learn and grow. 

He will fall in love the building I've loved for almost 9 years...
 
and I get a balcony seat to watch it all. 

My heart will burst seeing this magic!

So while separation of church and state was so much easier- it's the hard stuff in life that brings the good stuff. 

I don't think I'll be much help at bus duty on September 2nd, Mrs. Brooks- I'll be the mom sobbing in the corner!

Monday, August 10, 2015

"It was then that I carried you"


Most of you are probably familiar with the Footprints poem. It's always been one that I liked- mostly because it's in reference to the beach and I love all things beachy ❤️

About a year ago, this poem took on new meaning for me.

Last May, my father died unexpectedly of a heart attack at the age of 66. Talk about a "turn your world upside down" life event. Much of this past year has been learning to deal and accept our new reality while wading through the complexities of grief. However, in all that have been amazing blessings and lessons. This one is my most favorite...

In the moments, days, weeks after my father's death, I was blown away by the outpouring  of love and support from people all around us. Meals and cakes and cards and words and hugs and messages and phone calls and love. It was truly heart- healing. 

A co-worker gave me the "Footprints" poem shortly thereafter. I read it, as I have hundreds of times before. Except this time, that last line- "It was then that I carried you" took on a whole new meaning for me. 

I realized that it was the outpouring of love that had carried me through this tragic life event. Kept me floating in those rough waters.

 That the "I" in the poem (who was meant to be God) was the love that surrounded me. The people in my life that stepped up and stepped out to show me that love. 

 "God is love". This is the basis of most every religion. I've always been a faithful person. And yet, I didn't "get it" until I saw it at work in my own life.

God is love, but we are the bearers of that love and care and compassion. We are His love and His light in action. That's why He is always with us- because really it's a WE!

And frankly, even if you don't believe in God- it's hard not to believe in people and even harder to deny Love. 

This aha moment had such a profound impact on me, I felt the need to tattoo the words on myself. Not shocking, I tend to be dramatic!



Since that day, I've made it a point to notice and appreciate all the things that carry me- that keep me afloat on this journey. 

Some days it's a friend offering to take my kids so I can get some work done.

Some days, it's family- putting aside their "to-dos" to help you with yours. Or rearranging their schedule to help out with the kids.

Sometimes it's a perfectly timed phone call, funny comment, or song on the radio.

These moments, big and small, carry me.

 Noticing them, acknowledging them, and showing gratitude for them allows me to appreciate all the good that surrounds us and helps to quiet the noise of life. 

I encourage you to look at your own life, what helps carry you? 

I think you'd be surprised at all you find ❤️ 

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

"Be impeccable with your word"

This quote is from a life-changing book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I've been thinking about this particular agreement a lot lately. "Be Impeccable With Your Word". Powerful stuff! These days words get tossed around- texted, tweeted, posted. Rarely are they used in an impeccable manner.

The words we use everyday- to speak to ourselves, our children and others- define us. They project on the universe a picture of who it is we make ourselves to be. 

Speaking our truth, our struggle and our triumph makes us vulnerable. Opens us up to criticism and critique. But our truth is all we have. 





Amazing author and researcher, Brene Brown has done some incredible work on vulnerability. She describes vulnerability as "showing up and being seen". 

Recently I found the need (a compulsion perhaps) to be seen, or rather heard, in my most favorite way: a brilliantly composed letter on an issue I am passionate about.

Unfortunately (I guess?) it wasn't received well. In fact, I was admonished for sharing my view. 

In the past, I likely would have crawled  into a hole, regretting my actions. Rehashing the event and how I could have/ should have chosen differently. 

But this time, this time I did not do that. 

Sure, it didn't feel good to get "in trouble". Sure, I wondered about lingering repercussions. 

But in the end- I had an opinion and  information and I shared it. I put myself out there and "spoke for the trees". I said what I meant, and I did so "impeccably"!

And after all...