What is a "comfort zone" anyway?!

This quote is one I've read often. 

To be honest, I never got it. I never quite understood the "comfort zone" thing. What the hell is a comfort zone and how do I get out of it?!

Recently, life has schooled me on just that. 

First, I joined a local Crossfit gym. In reality, my husband forced me into a local Crossfit gym. He did so in my best interest. It was more like a permission slip to do something for myself. 

The past few weeks of intro classes and my first WOD's have outlined my comfort zone fairly well.

My comfort zone is waking up and exercising alone in my basement at 5AM. My comfort zone is doing my thang without disrupting the flow of family time. My comfort zone included me, my DVD player and some weights.

Outside my comfort zone turned out to be everything that Crossfit is. Other people,  after school- when I was already tired from my day, coaches critiquing and workouts that left me feeling less than "fit". 

Every step into that Crossfit box was a war with my inner critic ("the voice" I call her) telling me I don't belong there, I'm too fat, I'm a mom and just need to go home to my kids who need me- who do I think I am, anyway?!) 

Luckily, I know her voice well enough by now to know that I could tell her to go f-off. 

Luckily, I've done enough work to know that walking through the anxiety and discomfort will be worth it and the feelings will pass. 

And this is how I realized just where my comfort zone was. And this is how I realized that stepping outside of it can leave me feeling like a bad ass. 

My comfort zone is my routine. My comfort zone are the things I do daily and weekly- part of my schedule- that keep the boat anchored safetly in the harbour. My comfort zone means not making too many waves and keeping all the balls up in the air.

And as much as I love my routine and sameness. This foray into the "outside" has left me with a more clear understanding of why reaching beyond that comfort zone can be so beneficial to personal growth and development. Why it adds more "life" to the one you've been living.

I sing at church and have done so for the past, oh probably, 20 years. It's what remains of the "music" in my life and helps that musical side of me breathe.

About a year ago I heard an amazing version of " Hallelujah" from Kelly Mooney. I sent it over to my pastor who immediately said "Let's do it!". Fast forward to this week, being an Easter song we decided that Easter mass would be the time to make it happen. I rehearsed and prepared. But even as I did so, I doubted.

This song was such a departure from the traditional hymns done at mass- what would people think?! Is it too much?! The voice in my head told me, in fact, it was and maybe I should just stick to the traditional Easter hymn I always sang. But I proceeded. 

I sang, right outside of my comfort zone and it was so warmly received by the same people I was sure I'd offend that it took my breath away. 

It was magic and a little bit of an Easter miracle. 

 Magic happens when you stretch yourself and reach outside of the routine to do something more or different than you normally do. Magic happens when you trust in yourself enough and stop listening to "the voice".

Pure magic. 

Is magic happening at Crossfit? 

Well, I'm learning to support and encourage others and to let them see me sweat (literally and figuratively)- dropping that expectation and pretense of perfectionism. 

I'm learning to listen to coaches and not take their support as an assault on my "not good-enough-ness".

 And most importantly, I'm learning to see my own strength. 

So yeah, a little bit of magic. A little bit of everything I've been "saying" for the past year, thinking and writing about, has now turned to "doing" to "action". A little more living.  

Eleanor Roosevelt it famous for saying "Do something everyday that scares you". Maybe that something is walking into a new gym and letting your husband plan dinner. Maybe it's giving up control or letting your opinion be known. 

That scary thing, whatever it may be to you, is outside of your comfort zone.

Reach for it, I promise, it will be worth it!

When the bottom falls out

If there's one thing certain about life, it's the uncertainty. One day, you'll be floating  through life with seeming ease and the next thing you know, the bottom falls out from under you.

Maybe you loose your job, or get sick, or discover some awful reality, maybe someone in your life whose been hanging on by a thread decides it's too much. Maybe a file cabinet in the middle of the highway kills a family member (that's a real story from last week).

No matter what it is, when these things happen in our world, it feels like the bottom falls out. The solid ground you were standing on just a minute ago has suddenly disappeared. 

You find yourself unsure, scared, angry, incredulous. 

Just a minute ago everything was fine. How could this happen?! What did I do to deserve this?

It's like a punch in the gut, the wind is knocked out of you and without solid ground beneath your feet- you fall. 

The scary thing about all this uncertainty is not knowing when that other shoe is going to drop. Not knowing when the tests will show a malignancy or when the phone call will come. 

Not knowing is the hard part.

Here's one thing we do know- the other shoe will always drop. One day, whether tomorrow or 10 years from now, you'll get that phone call or those test results or see a file cabinet in the middle of the highway.

 Bad things happen- they just do.

So the way I see it is we either wait in fearful anticipation of our bad news or know that whatever happens, we will survive. 

Even the worst of the worst. Even the death of a parent or child. Even watching someone you love suffer or continue to cause themselves pain. Even the thing you are most scared of- you will survive.

I'm not saying it won't be awful, I'm not promising that your heart won't be broken and ripped out. There will be disappointment and pain. But you will survive.

People have survived war and the holocaust. They survived the suffering and loss of parents and children. They have survived unimaginable personal tragedy.

You survive. You change. You see the world differently. But your survive. 

When you're bottom falls out, people show up. Gifts, and lessons and miracles show up. Safety nets to break your fall. They show up. You don't fall alone. 

This week my bottom fell out. My immediate reaction was anger- "How dare this fucks up my zen?!?" "I was doing so well, now what?!?". Then I remembered, life isn't promised to be sunshine and rainbows. No one ever said that.

So I cried and yelled, I screamed and sobbed in the Market Basket parking lot. I prayed out loud to my angels, begging really, for help for guidance for peace.

And then I did something new- I reached out, I opened up.

I sent some texts and made some phone calls. I talked and I listened. I felt the emotions- all of them. I opened up and my safety nets appeared- and for that I allowed myself to feel gratitude.

Then I wrote down the problem on a piece of paper, put it in my "God box" and let it go. 

I don't know how this story will end. I'm not even convinced it will have an ending. The shoes may just keep falling.

But here's what I know- my safety nets are there. My faith in God's grace and compassion help me believe that there will always be something to soften the fall.

This beautiful window (courtesy of Almost Fancy Designs- find her on Facebook!) has been hanging in my house for about a month now. This week I've been reading it a lot...

Here's hoping we all find our strength, our comfort and our light.