The funny thing about nostalgia

Nostalgia is defined as a sentimental longing or wistful feeling for the past.

And it's a funny thing that nostalgia.

Recently I took a drive by our "old" house. The first house hubby and I purchased together, where we brought home our babies. 

The house I hated and couldn't wait to sell. 

But as I drove by (in a slow, creepy-like manner) I felt a distinct tug on my heart. A nostalgia for this house we used to call home. 

I didn't remember the tiny living room, or the holes in the backyard. I didn't remember the noise from the highway and constant sirens. I just remembered the "homey-ness" of that house. 

 

You're memories of childhood don't include when your brother smacked you with a hockey stick but endless summer days spent in the pool.

Memories of high school are full of laughter and friends and performances, not hormones and angst and always feeling out of place.

It's almost as if nostalgia takes your memories and paints over them with watercolor. So the edges are less defined but the beauty remains. It all looks a little softer when taking the long view.
 

Those not so sunny memories are still there, of course, but when nostalgia hits, they take a back seat to the good stuff. 

In my circle, there is understandably lots of nostalgia around our "pre-children days". When sleep was a familiar concept and we were free as the wind!  When a solo trip to Target feels wasn't the only vacation we enjoyed.

And yet, when you talk to mothers of grown children they say that THIS, NOW- with messy houses and messy diapers- this what they are nostalgic about!

Even now, we stare at the "time hop" photos on Facebook.  Our hearts melt over baby pictures and we wax poetic about our growing-too-quickly children- nostalgia.

In a few short years, we have forgotten the sleepless nights, raging post-partum hormones and bleeding nipples. Nostalgia.

But in the next breath, complain about the mess of toys or the fact that our daughter will be 4 and is still shitting in a pull-up.

Nostalgia tells me we'll laugh at that in no time and probably tell the stories about her potty training tragedies at her high school graduation party.

I have a friend who frequently uses the hashtag "these are the good old days"  to tag pictures and I find it so fitting and so true. 

These are the good old days. At least they will be once that nostalgia hits!
 

So what if, today, we took a look around and soak it in a bit. Let the beauty of today, now- marinate in our hearts. 

The funny thing about nostalgia is you mostly just remember the good stuff, anyway. So why don't we look for all that good stuff today. Before its just a wistful feeling for days gone by.

 

 

The Things I Have Now

Twice this school year I've been 100% ready for a career change- for at least a few hours. I've even gone so far as to vet this idea to friends and family and check out my licensure prospects on the DESE website. 

Upon mentioning this to a collegue- who happens to be 10 years my junior- amidst a conversation about career paths and prospects her reply to me was this "Laurie, everything you have is everything I want". 

That statement gave me pause. Pause enough to remember and realize that I, too, once wished and worked and prayed for all that I have now.

I spent countless years and hours and tens of thousands of dollars to become what I am.

And on top of that, I've worked and learned for the past 12 years to hone my craft and continue to learn every single  day. 

So why now, why this year am I so eager to move on? So restless? 

Perhaps it's too much personal development. Too many books and podcasts about designing your future.

Maybe I truly have "Life ADD" as my husband told me so many years ago. 

Possible that I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.

Maybe it's feeling overwhelmed so often by paperwork and to do's, by meetings and needs despite my passion for my work.

Or the cold and dark of winter and the lack of vitamin D is bringing me down. 

I don't know where my unrest is coming from but this is what I learned today.

This is the life I prayed for. This is the life I worked for. This is the career I encourage others to persue for the many rewards and benefits that come along with it (Summer's off and early retirement, anyone?!). These are the letters I sign with pride after my name. 

And if a career change is in my future, then it will come; just like this one did. And I will trust my path without worry, or fear knowing prayers are answered and life will guide me where I need to be. 

And so it is....