Practice

The word practice is defined as follows:

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   verb prac·tice \ˈprak-təs\

: to do something again and again in order to become better at it
: to do (something) regularly or constantly as an ordinary part of your life

: to live according to the customs and teachings of (a religion)

Most recently I've heard the word used often as a passive verb (e.g. Gratitude journaling is a practice of mine, or I practice yoga). I have always interpreted this use of the word to mean "do". It's something that you do. You do yoga, you do journaling.

But, I think that definition is incomplete. Sure, you "do" it because it's a verb, an action word. However it's not just that.

It's not just doing.

It's practicing- like performing an action repeatedly in order to improve, practicing. Like a musician practices and instrument and a football player practices his plays. 

I've spoken before about my tendency to have a fixed mind set- to do things I know I can do and do well. So many of my own practices are actually habits that I'm good at. But my fixed mindset default interpreted the word practice as something you were just good at doing rather than something you learned how to do.

  

This came to light for me this week when I was thinking about yoga. I like yoga and do it weekly. I am always in awe of women that can hold crazy hard poses because I just can't! (Fixed mindset)

I was wondering how in the world was I ever going to improve and learn to do those hard poses. Join a studio? Find a teacher I like? 

Then it occurred to me...practice! I friggin need to practice! So maybe when people say "I practice yoga" they mean try and try and try again until they get better  (Growth mindset).

Maybe it's more than just a do but it's a try. It's a performing and action repeatedly until you improve. Until you can hold crow, or do a handstand.

Because when we are practicing, we are trying and learning and trying again.

It's often said that "we teach what we most need to learn" so it's no shock that I have been prepping for growth mindset lessons with my 4th grade social group. My goal for the lessons is to teach those girls to try, to keep improving, to use positive self-talk and re-frame their thinking. Easy for me to say, harder for me to practice.

 

When we say "I need to eat healthy" or "I need to be more positive" or "I should be working out more"- maybe we should consider these things a practice and keep trying. Keep practicing! Without the expectation that we'll do it perfectly the first time or any time. With a growth mindset. With grace and compassion for ourselves.

Maybe when they say we should practice compassion and self- love the expectation shouldn't be that we can just do it. But that we keep trying, keep practicing. So that every time we pass a mirror and get a glimpse of ourselves our first thought isn't "Uugh, look how big my ass looks", or when we say the wrong thing we don't admonish ourselves with a self-directed  "Idiot". Instead we practice looking in the mirror and appreciating our bodies for what they do. And our thoughts after a sticky situation  turn into a more pleasant "Well, next time I'll handle that differently".

Imagine how enjoyable new endeavors and behaviors could become is we just considered it practice.
 

So this week when I am doing my yoga "practice". I will actually practice! I will keep trying and learn and try again. One day I'll post a picture of my handstand, but...that might take LOTS of practice!

 Google Image- not me people!

"We cannot give our children what we don't have".

"It is clear from the data that we cannot give our children what we don't have. Where we are on our journey of living with our whole hearts is a much stronger indicator of parenting success than anything we can learn from how-to books"- From The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

 I've been on a journey of self-improvement and self-understanding for quite a while. Inspired, no doubt, by Oprah circa 1995.

In fact, I originally told my grad school roommates (in 2002) that I did not want to live with them because I wanted to 'grow as a person' as only living with random people would allow me to. I decided to live with them after I toured their sick apartment in the Charlestown Navy Yard in Boston. Ironically, I grew more in those two years than I could have ever thought possible. These women are my war-buddies. We survived and thrived together. And I mention this, because they still tease me about that comment 'grow as a person'. I was 22- who says that?!

Anyway, this journey has been long but in the past year I've gotten more serious about it. I've put in work. I've read lots of books and blogs, listened to podcasts, resumed journaling and just tried to dig up and dig out. Rediscover my emotions and intentions. Live fully and love fully. One of my greatest teachers along the way has been Brené Brown and her beautiful books. I just began The Gifts of Imperfection when I came across this quote...

 "We cannot give our children what we don't have".

Those words struck me like a thunderbolt. We want so much for our children. We want them to be confident and strong, to see their worth and try new things. To be kind, compassionate and forgiving. We want them to be brave. We want them to know success and learn from failure. We want them to thrive, to love, to shine.

But-

 "We cannot give our children what we don't have".

We can talk and teach but until we own it, until we live it, until we breathe it. They will not have it.

This lessons pulls my heart strings especially with my daughter. My beautiful girl. My girl who is in the 50%ile for height and 90%ile for weight. My girl, who at her 3 year check-up was told to "focus on healthy behaviors" because of these numbers.

My girl is a beam of light. She has a wicked personality. She's funny, and fresh. She's smart as a whip and sweet as pie. She's a devil and a love. She lights up a room when she walks in. THIS is what I want her to know. Inherently. THIS is what I want her to believe. I want her to know that she is inherently worthy of love and joy because she is light. I want her to walk into a room and shine her light.

I want her to move because it brings her joy and eat because it satisfies her. I want her to "focus on healthy behaviors" not because some antiquated bell curve insists upon it but because she feels better when she does. And who doesn't want to feel better?!

But-

 "We cannot give our children what we don't have".

So, in order for this to happen. I need to see MY light. I need to know that I am inherently worthy of love and joy.

Now. Today. As I AM.

Not 10 pounds from now, not when I've had a "good week" of eating. Not when I've gotten a good review at work. Not when I've finished my to-do list.

Now. Today. As I AM.

My wholehearted journey took on new meaning when I read those words. I realized I wasn't doing this for me, I was doing this for them. For the two thems that I brought into this world. For the thems that I worry and wonder over. For the thems that I love more than I ever thought possible.

I will give them what I have. And what I have is self-love, worthy-ness, a light to shine in this world. What I have is faith and trust and joy.

So pardon me if my Facebook shares and my IG posts seem a little touchy-feely for you. I'm working on a gift for my children...

TV Time Out

I don't recall where that saying came from but I have a feeling it was from the 80's...

This week, I was blessed enough to take a TV time out with my hubby.

I tagged along on a work trip with him to Miami for a few days.

Life's been a lot this year. We sold a house, bought a house, settled into a house, works been nutso- there hasn't been much time for fun and games. So when Eric mentioned Miami- it seemed like the perfect medicine.

We arranged care for the kids (so grateful for my village!) and off we went. 

And for 3 days, I got to be Laurie, wife of Eric and that's all. For 3 days I didn't need to worry about potty training or poop. School lunch or karate. I got to just be. 

We biked in the rain and took an impromptu speed boat tour around Miami. We drank at the pool and walked to dinner. We talked (not about the kids),  we discussed the future , we sat in silence. We read, we napped. We drank some more.

As much as I love structure and routine, taking a break from that is critical to balance. It's yin to a yan. A little black and white, mixing in a lovely shade of gray. 

A few weeks ago there was a graphic going around Facebook. It was a picture of a cup with water and the analogy was that a cup with water gets heavy if you keep holding it, so put it down. Put down your worries and your burdens and walk away for a bit. 

https://www.facebook.com/mindfulschools/photos/a.203073253066340.49931.165948186778847/598713920168936/?type=3

Another one I've seen is of an empty cup. You can't pour into others' cups if yours is empty.

And then there is the famous "oxygen mask" analogy. Put yours on first.

Much time has been spent lately playing tag-team. I'm here and he's there, he's here and I'm there. Whose on first anyway?! And all this is a necessity when there are two working parents at home. 

This time out, this re-connection helped me fill my cup (or put it down- choose your analogy). It allowed me to breath with the help of my oxygen mask. It reminded me that I really do like my husband!

And I know I will go home and be a better mother, wife, speech pathologist and friend all because of this TV time out. 

I will return to my meal prep and workout schedule. To bed times and alarm clocks. To homework and bed time stories. And even to potty training with grace and gratitude. 

Reality is- this isn't a frequent occurrence.  We don't have the luxury of escaping every month or even every year!

My goal for returning home is to find little ways to time out on a regular basis (and less expensively) than a trip to South Beach. Because putting myself on the list and making my marriage a priority isn't selfish- it's necessary. 

Until next time darling, but for now, tag- you're it, 'cause I've got to go grocery shopping!

"Today I did my best"

I'm struggling. I've been struggling for a bit but today the struggle felt real. 

Work is overwhelming. I am overwhelmed with paperwork and evaluations and the needs of children. My to-do list is long and complex. My days are non-stop. My time is fleeting.

I am overwhelmed with the lessons that need to be planned. The IEP's that need to be written. The phone calls that need to be made.

I am overwhelmed by 2 hour meetings and the amout of time with children I am missing.

I'm pretty sure this is how burn-out starts. When the tasks overwhelm the capacity. When the joy is gone and in its place is paperwork.

But here's the thing. I love my job! I am passionate about language and learning and children! I love the smell of a school and walking into classrooms. I love collaborating with teachers and being able to support student success. 

I'm not going down without a fight!

So I must defeat the burn out. Quell the voices of comparison and "not good enough ness". Put things in perspective and remember the joy. Ride my passions for all their worth. 

I'm attempting this by remembering that "Today I did my best". Some days my best may look different, but who can ask for more than your best? Not my administration, my co-workers, parents and not even myself. 

My best is good enough. Every day.