A New Years' Resolution

This year marks the first (or maybe second) year in my adult life that I will not be resolving to "loose weight". I will not be detoxing or cleansing or trying to loose 20 lbs in 10 days as part of my goals and plans for the new year.

I'm done with that.

So with weight-loss off the table, what will I resolve to do ?!

This year, I'm working on the inside. I've done quite a bit of work in this - but there is always more to be done.

Here's the thing- I have a tendency to be "judgey". Look around, notice what is different and place judgment on it. 

I know enough to know that is my way of validating my own worthiness. "Well, I'm more punctual than that person, so clearly I'm better". "My kid isn't acting like ass hole in public (except when they are) so clearly I'm a better mom."

However, now that I know I'm worthy (period) and good enough (period). As we all are (period).  This behavior is no longer necessary and instead of placing judgment, now I am freed to notice sameness in a those around me.

Enter my New Years' resolution. 

To see people. To make eye contact, smile and see them. To see that at our core, we are much more the same than we are different.

To know that if I find someone defensive or angry or anxious or self-righteous- that's probably because they are seeing the same in me. After all, "if you've spot it- you've got it." So instead of judging or condemning the behavior and the person for that matter- perhaps a little empathy would be better. Perhaps an "I've been there" or a "Can I help?".

 

I do feel some shame admitting my judgey-ness out loud. But frankly, we all do it, so pretending we don't is silly. 

It's part of my job, my training, to assess what is different and "fix" it. However recently I've realized how similar I am to my students. Sure, I talk and write and communicate well but my behavior also communicates for me, as does theirs. And my behavior provides coping for me, as does theirs. 

So maybe we aren't all that different- even the ones we're supposed to be "fixing".

There is a South African philosophy called Ubuntu. Ubuntu means "I am because of you", a one-ness of humanity, an invisible bond. My goal this year is to see that one-ness and recognize it.

We've all got our baggage, we all carry it with us. There is no sense pretending my shit stinks less than yours.

My plan is to notice (I'm a noticer- that I cannot help), hit the pause button on judgment and instead see the same-ness, the like-ness and perhaps even extend some kind-ness.

After all....

Happy New Years' Friends❤️