Investing in you

"Mom guilt" is a serious affliction that is pervasive in our lives and in our culture. It's why mom's (parents- to be fair) ignore their own needs in the face of their children's needs. Its why you'll use a sick day when your child is sick, but force yourself to show up at work when you are ill. It's why we'll spend megabucks on a fancy Easter dress for our daughters and forget that we have nothing to wear.

We give, we prioritize, we sacrifice. It's part of being a parent.

But, what if? What if we put our name back on the to-do list? What if we decided it was OK to invest a bit in ourselves instead of only investing in our kids. What if we decided that we ourselves were worth the time, money, resources we so freely give to them?

What if we decided to stop feeling guilty for all of it, too?

What if?

I think what would happen is that we'd have a generation of happier moms. I think we'd all but put an end to "Mommy wars" and significantly decrease the "mom guilt". I think a society of empowered, balanced women would do a world of good for our universe. I think there would be less "hole filling" and binging on Netflix, or ice cream, or wine, or even prescription drugs and Target trips.

Imagine if we stopped telling the story that to be a "good mother" means you sacrifice yourself in the process.

Imagine, if instead, the story was more about ways to KEEP yourself in the process.

To nourish and invest in the parts of you that bring joy and light and balance.

To allow yourself a few bucks to update your wardrobe, or get a pedicure every two weeks, or join a gym, or take music lessons, or drive the car you really wanted.

I'm not talking about living beyond our means and incurring ridciulous amounts of debt, I'm talking about putting ourselves on the list.

I'm talking about realizing it's OK to invest in yourselves just as you do for karate or gymnastics or Little League or Lacrosse (lessons, equipment, uniforms, fundraisers, etc etc etc). Because the truth is we do it for them without even blinking an eye. We do it for them without question or pause.

Why don't we deserve the same?

When we give and give and give of ourselves,we end up with an empty cup. We end up bitter and angry and feeling like we need fill ourselves up again. But usually, with the wrong kind of stuff.

Keeping ourselves on the list and filling up that cup on a regular basis will help to ensure that our cup never runs dry.

 

I'm obsessed with the gas gauge in my car. It may be because I ran out of gas in a friend's car as a teenager. Even 20 years later, I rarely let my tank go under 1/4 full. In fact, I usually fill up on Sunday's even when I don't "need" it. My husband thinks I'm nuts.

But maybe my gas tank approach would be an excellent way to approach the rest of our lives. If we remember to regularly fill ourselves up, whether we "need" it or not, it may prevent us from being stuck on the side of the road waiting for a rescue.

It may prevent us from screaming at our husbands, or children, or co-workers, or strangers on the internet because our tank is full- or at least 1/2 full.

It may make us more likely to extend kindness and compassion instead of anger and hostility.

And wouldn't that be so much nicer.

So, I encourage you moms- put yourselves back on the list. Sign up for that spin class, or book a facial. Go buy a fabulous new dress or those expensive shoes. Or just go for a walk, alone, and  take some deep breaths. Call a friend and arrange a play-date for YOU!

Fill your tank, invest in you. Don't wait until your broken down on the side of the road. Instead, start today and make it a habit. 

  Oh yeah, and screw the guilt!