Be Impeccable with Your Word...or, not...

This is one of the first of Four Agreements written by don Miguel Ruiz based on ancient Toltec wisdom. It's an amazing and simple (yet not) book about how to live a good life. Recently though, I have not been - even a little bit- Impeccable with My Word.

Let's rewind....

I've always had a thing for gossip. It's been a hobby of mine, a vice is probably a more accurate term. I like to communicate and connect and with my sharp tongue, sometimes keeping in the jabs feels like locking a vault with a toothpick.

But still, I recognize this is a very negative habit and I've tried my best to reel in my gossiping.
Now, I preface any comments with "I shouldn't be saying this, but..".
Because that's better?? Probably not, but alas, I am a work in progress.

Last week though, last week, the universe handed me quite a lesson and I was forced to attention.

Last week, a friend sent me an Instagram story by an author we both follow. This woman has been an inspiration to me and her autobiography truly changed me. I mean, I have one of her quotes hanging one the wall of my bedroom...

So this author is someone I respect.

The story was about her husband and it was a little...odd. (But who am I to judge what's odd in the first place!?!) So, I sent my friend a DM in response to the video, making fun of this author's husband.

Except.

I didn't send it to my friend. I sent my jab directly to the author.
And she responded, much to my dismay.

At first, I was mortified. But, laughing, because it was just so ridiculous.

But as the night wore on and I thought about my words and I pictured this woman reading them. I was beside myself.

What had I done? This is a woman who I respect and admire and I basically made fun of her husband to her face!

However, what I realized was, the only reason I felt so bad was because I got CAUGHT gossiping.

I got caught. I was heard. And suddenly I realized how un-Impeccable I was being with my words. So, so many of them. How judgey I was being, not just on social media in this instance, but in my day to day life. Man, that made me feel such shame.

In the click of a button, I became an internet troll. Is that who I want to be?? Not even close.

We teach children to use "positive language", to be kind, to fill people's buckets  and I turn around and forget all that. I don't walk the walk or practice what I preach.

Instead, I engage in low-vibe gossiping for the sake of a laugh.

Uugh, it pains me to even admit it.

I can't undo what's been done. I thought of emailing said author (because obviously now I'm blocked on IG) and apologizing. But she won't unhear my awful comments, so really, what's the point in that.

All I can do is move on and do better.

I can use my words to lift up others and breathe through those moments that trigger Judgey-Laurie to the surface. I can fill buckets and make positive choices.

I can walk the walk and talk the kind talk.

I can be Impeccable with My Word.

So next time you see me, and I say "I shouldn't be gossiping but...." just walk away. Let's make it easier for the both of us!

"Be impeccable with your word"

This quote is from a life-changing book called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I've been thinking about this particular agreement a lot lately. "Be Impeccable With Your Word". Powerful stuff! These days words get tossed around- texted, tweeted, posted. Rarely are they used in an impeccable manner.

The words we use everyday- to speak to ourselves, our children and others- define us. They project on the universe a picture of who it is we make ourselves to be. 

Speaking our truth, our struggle and our triumph makes us vulnerable. Opens us up to criticism and critique. But our truth is all we have. 

Amazing author and researcher, Brene Brown has done some incredible work on vulnerability. She describes vulnerability as "showing up and being seen". 

Recently I found the need (a compulsion perhaps) to be seen, or rather heard, in my most favorite way: a brilliantly composed letter on an issue I am passionate about.

Unfortunately (I guess?) it wasn't received well. In fact, I was admonished for sharing my view. 

In the past, I likely would have crawled  into a hole, regretting my actions. Rehashing the event and how I could have/ should have chosen differently. 

But this time, this time I did not do that. 

Sure, it didn't feel good to get "in trouble". Sure, I wondered about lingering repercussions. 

But in the end- I had an opinion and  information and I shared it. I put myself out there and "spoke for the trees". I said what I meant, and I did so "impeccably"!

And after all...