“You’re stealing my learning”

Tonight in our after dinner-before before bed-school night shenanigans, my 5 year old was building an alphabet puzzle. She was struggling with the middle of the alphabet so I proceeded to do what I do- I “cued” or prompted her. I began singing the alphabet song with her. And this was her response

I posted it on Instagram because it struck me so. But quickly realized this quote from my 5 year old was taking me to a deeper place requiring more reflection and so I must blog.

So what if I haven't written a blog post in 6 months?!


"You're stealing my learning".

Perhaps it's because it was said in response to such a natural habit of mine. A learned skill even, the cueing, the prompting. It's what I do ALL day with my kiddos at work. Perhaps it was the tone in which the message was delivered. Like she was really PISSED that I wasn't letting her figure this out on her own. Perhaps it's an abundance of worry about new reading "programs" and abysmal MCAS scores.

I'm not quite sure why but this quote struck a nerve. So much so that I had to write about it. Because if I write about it then I can think about it and I can learn from it. It's just how my processing works...

"You're stealing my learning".

My goodness, how many times in a day do I "steal" a child's learning. How many times a day do I accommodate and modify to a point that I am actually depriving that child of the opportunity to grapple, to grow, to learn. How many times do I personally invite a child to follow directions when, in fact, they might learn to do it more independently and faster if I let them fail once in a while.

Working in Special Education is like walking a fine line. Meeting the child where they are while trying desperately to get them to where they "need to be" is a never ending battle.

But what I realized tonight, thanks to my daughter, is that every struggle is an opportunity to learn. Or at least, an invitation to try.

How many times have I fed a child a word they were decoding because we just had to get to answering the questions?  How many times have I taken the pencil and wrote a child's answer because the rest of the class was already finished and my 30 minutes were almost up?

This isn't to say I need to let go and watch my darlings drown in the turbulent waters of grade level curriculum expectations. This isn't to say I don't continue to provide them the accommodations they need to succeed.

But maybe, just maybe, I let their learning be their own instead of a reflection of my support. Maybe I let them grapple, let them miss the direction and watch how they struggle through that and figure out a way to do it differently next time. Maybe I let them....learn.

It's possible I'm being dramatic about the words of a frustrated 5 year old. The thing is, I know myself well enough to know that when you hear what sounds like such a profound message- then, girlfriend, that means you need to listen...

Practice

The word practice is defined as follows:

CloseStyle: MLA APA Chicago

   verb prac·tice \ˈprak-təs\

: to do something again and again in order to become better at it
: to do (something) regularly or constantly as an ordinary part of your life

: to live according to the customs and teachings of (a religion)

Most recently I've heard the word used often as a passive verb (e.g. Gratitude journaling is a practice of mine, or I practice yoga). I have always interpreted this use of the word to mean "do". It's something that you do. You do yoga, you do journaling.

But, I think that definition is incomplete. Sure, you "do" it because it's a verb, an action word. However it's not just that.

It's not just doing.

It's practicing- like performing an action repeatedly in order to improve, practicing. Like a musician practices and instrument and a football player practices his plays. 

I've spoken before about my tendency to have a fixed mind set- to do things I know I can do and do well. So many of my own practices are actually habits that I'm good at. But my fixed mindset default interpreted the word practice as something you were just good at doing rather than something you learned how to do.

  

This came to light for me this week when I was thinking about yoga. I like yoga and do it weekly. I am always in awe of women that can hold crazy hard poses because I just can't! (Fixed mindset)

I was wondering how in the world was I ever going to improve and learn to do those hard poses. Join a studio? Find a teacher I like? 

Then it occurred to me...practice! I friggin need to practice! So maybe when people say "I practice yoga" they mean try and try and try again until they get better  (Growth mindset).

Maybe it's more than just a do but it's a try. It's a performing and action repeatedly until you improve. Until you can hold crow, or do a handstand.

Because when we are practicing, we are trying and learning and trying again.

It's often said that "we teach what we most need to learn" so it's no shock that I have been prepping for growth mindset lessons with my 4th grade social group. My goal for the lessons is to teach those girls to try, to keep improving, to use positive self-talk and re-frame their thinking. Easy for me to say, harder for me to practice.

 

When we say "I need to eat healthy" or "I need to be more positive" or "I should be working out more"- maybe we should consider these things a practice and keep trying. Keep practicing! Without the expectation that we'll do it perfectly the first time or any time. With a growth mindset. With grace and compassion for ourselves.

Maybe when they say we should practice compassion and self- love the expectation shouldn't be that we can just do it. But that we keep trying, keep practicing. So that every time we pass a mirror and get a glimpse of ourselves our first thought isn't "Uugh, look how big my ass looks", or when we say the wrong thing we don't admonish ourselves with a self-directed  "Idiot". Instead we practice looking in the mirror and appreciating our bodies for what they do. And our thoughts after a sticky situation  turn into a more pleasant "Well, next time I'll handle that differently".

Imagine how enjoyable new endeavors and behaviors could become is we just considered it practice.
 

So this week when I am doing my yoga "practice". I will actually practice! I will keep trying and learn and try again. One day I'll post a picture of my handstand, but...that might take LOTS of practice!

 Google Image- not me people!